Infertility is a difficult medical issue to address. There are many possible causes of infertility, which is why fertility treatment plans and specific IVF meds must be customized to match each patient. Fertility treatment has significantly advanced throughout the years. While there have been many successful cases of treating fertility using both fertility medication and extensive medical treatments, it commonly takes multiple treatment plans to successfully have a child. These plans can be expensive and physically demanding. It is why many opt to purchase fertility drugs online, or simply look into alternative options such as adoption. However, adoption is not for everyone.
If you have never experienced infertility, it might seem like fertility treatments are not worth the hassle, both in terms of stress and the financial burden. In comparison, adoption seems like a much easier method of starting a family. For some couples dealing with infertility, adoption is a perfectly valid option. Other couples are not interested in adoption and may be offended if you keep pushing for it. Some of the most common reasons infertile couples would rather go through fertility treatment instead of adoption is covered below.
Adoption is Expensive
One of the most common misconceptions regarding adoption is the cost. If you do not have any experience with adoption, it is easy to underestimate how expensive the process is. The exact cost of adoption varies depending on a number of factors, with your chosen adoption agency being one of the biggest determining factors, as well as the state you live in. On average, adoption costs range between $25,000 and $35,000. Typically, the lowest you must budget for adoption is around $20,000.
The cost increases even more if you are adopting a child outside of the United States. The exact price changes depending on the location, but it may add as much as another $10,000 to $20,000 to the base cost. When you compare that cost to the cost of purchasing discount IVF drugs and going through fertility treatments, you’d come out ahead compared to adoption costs.
Adoption is a Long Process
In addition to being expensive, adoption is not a quick process. The exact length of time varies greatly depending on your chosen adoption method, but it often takes months of preparation before you are even considered eligible to adopt a child. Couples who are planning to adopt must go through an extensive vetting process to determine whether or not they are prepared to raise a child. This process, known as a home study, typically takes between two and four months. During this process, you are constantly completing paperwork and submitting documentation to move the process along.
Another time factor to consider is how long you must wait after being approved. Simply going through the vetting process is not enough to guarantee a child. It means you are considered eligible and go on a waiting list. Depending on the adoption agency, you may be waiting for years for a child to become available. When you compare IVF treatment to adoption processes, for many couples IVF works quicker.
The Stress of Waiting
Once a child is available, you must go through another vetting process to see if you are a good fit for the child. For couples who are eager to have a family, the waiting process on adoption is even more stressful than fertility treatment because there is no way to know how long they must wait to start their family. Couples often struggle with making large life decisions because they are waiting on an adoption agency. Any big decision, such as moving or changing jobs, may complicate or even invalidate the waiting process. And while there is stress involved with IVF drugs and treatment, at least in the fertility treatment process you are active and have a sense of forward momentum. With adoption there are huge spans of time where you simply can do nothing at all.
This can lead to additional family stress and puts a strain on parents before their family has even expanded. If you are forced to give up a good opportunity because you are planning to adopt, you may become resentful towards the idea of parenting because of how much it has cost you. Once your spot on the waiting list finally arrives, you may not even want to start a family anymore. While fertility treatments have their own stress, many couples find it is easier to deal with infertility stress versus the drawn out stress from adoption.
Starting a Family
Many couples want to have children to complete their family. For these couples, it is not simply about having a child. What matters most is the child is truly theirs. Not all families are a good fit for adoption, which is perfectly fine. It is important for parents who know they are not comfortable raising someone else’s child to avoid adoption. You may feel frustrated seeing your friends or family becoming stressed due to infertility treatments, but you must respect their decision and understand they are making a decision which is right for them.
The Emotional Side
Choosing whether or not to adopt a child is an emotional decision. For the adults, choosing to adopt may feel like they are surrendering to infertility. Many couples blame themselves for not being able to naturally produce a child. For these couples, adopting means admitting there is something wrong with them they were unable to fix. It is not uncommon for these couples to worry about their parenting abilities. These couples feel inadequate, believing if they were unable to naturally conceive, they are already failures as parents.
Another emotional side to consider relates to the early years. Not having a child to raise from infancy means you are missing out on many parental experiences. It can be difficult talking to other parents when you cannot relate to what it was like to raise a child during these formulative years. This even applies to before the child is born, since couples who adopt cannot experience what it is like to feel a baby move while it is still in the womb.
The other emotional factors to consider have to do with the child. Some children are perfectly fine with being adopted and naturally take to their new parents. Other children have a much harder time. This is not something you can easily predict. Some children may be fine for years with their adopted family, but as they get older and get a better grasp for what adoption means, they may develop issues.
This is a challenging period for both the child and the parents. Some parents know they are not prepared to handle these issues. It might seem selfish, but these parents know the situation would not only be difficult for them, but also for their adopted child. It is ultimately the responsible decision to avoid adoption in these circumstances.
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